Damn it. It happened again.
I received word through Danny Meeker of the passing of one of my soldiers, presumably by suicide from the context of his post. Joshua Scott Hammons and I served together in Iraq and Afghanistan. He was a good, hard working troop and a great happy-go-lucky personality.
It really tears me up when we lose our comrades in this way. We sacrifice so much of ourselves, spending years away from our families. Some of us suffer from PTSD and depression, and all of us gave up something. It is an absolute tragedy to lose someone when their death could have been prevented. All it sometimes takes is one person asking the question, “Are you okay?”
This is the fourth comrade I have lost to suicide, and it just sickens me every time.
Please, if you know someone who seems to be having a rough time, take a moment to ask them, “Are you okay?” And then listen, really listen to them. Sometimes that’s all they really need.
SSG Joshua Scott Hammons, R.I.P.
Couple of notes.
I read a conversation somewhere about soldiers doing a buddy check. I think during deployment. Rule was, you had to tell the truth. Rank got dropped, service units didn't matter. Etc.
Make a list ?
Then start making some calls ?
I'm sorry for your loss. I know that must be terrible.
Speaking as someone who was hospitalized suicidal though, I want to let you know something, and this is going to suck too.
The bottom line is that asking him if he was okay may not have helped. I would lie to people when my depression was bad, and tell them I was alright. I avoided telling people that I was suicidal because I KNEW, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that life was going to keep getting worse, that nothing was going to work out and that there was no point in continuing. I didn't want to die. I just couldn't bear the thought of living anymore.
Just asking isn't enough. If things are bad (and if you're legitimately worried that your loved one is going to commit suicide) you need to find out what you can do to force help on them. If that's calling 911, or if you need to contact a family member of theirs (assuming you're not one) then that's what you need to do.
In my case, I got lucky. As I was laying on my couch begging God to show me a way to kill myself that would work, he knocked a picture of my kids off of my entertainment center. I went and got help because I was afraid that if I did myself in it would screw their life up. There are others that would tell you that people who tell you not to kill yourself are selfish. They're wrong. Killing yourself knowing what it will do to the people who care about you is the selfish thing, but that's neither here nor there.
The point is that, if you want to save someone from themselves, the nuclear option needs to be one that you are willing to use. If not, you're likely to end up failing. That's not acceptable.